Just once.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plan in man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

To that one guy who once had made me feel special, thank you. The times we once had are one of the happiest times of my life. The sweet smiles I once had, the messages we once exchanged, the phone calls we once had, your jokes that once made me laugh and most importantly those times I never knew you have a crush on me. I felt super blessed when you messaged me and told me you have a crush on me. I didn’t believe you at first because we once had been casual to each other, during fellowships, camps and other gatherings. I didn’t like you at first, but, I must say that even before you confessed your feelings, I admire you. I admire your faith, I admire your testimony, and I admire you because I saw God’s glory flowing in your life. I once prayed for you and you do the same. We once prayed for us. I once tried to know you more and get closer to you, but I failed. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of the rejection I might get. I’m afraid of the pain I might feel. And I believe you also have that fear. You once said that you are sorry. You once said that you are just afraid of, me, getting hurt. I cried, I was hurt but I understand. Deep in my heart, the admiration is still there.

All my life I am dreaming of that wonderful love story that God has written for me. I waited long for that love to come. I waited for that right man to come. I waited for the right time to come. And I thought this is the right time for me to fall in love, to be loved in return. But I was wrong. I’ve mistaken God’s plan to my own plan. I insisted what I want. Then God woke me up. This time is not just the right time for me to love, not even the right time for us. This time is meant for the both of us to grow in our relationship with our God. This time is meant for us draw nearer to our God. This time is meant for us to know WHO true love is.

All the “once” that we had will always have a special place in my heart. For now, God is asking me to surrender these “once”. I need to move forward. I need to move on. God is telling me, moving on is all about surrender. I need to surrender my dreams for us. I need to surrender my plans for us. I need to surrender the pain, all the hurts. And, I need to surrender even my smallest hope that we still can be together. I know that all of this will soon make sense, the purpose of God will soon be revealed. I might be hurting right now but it doesn’t mean I am not happy. More than being happy, I am very blessed to have experienced all these for I know that these will be one of my greatest testimonies in life. For now, I’ll serve. I will serve in the kingdom of God, I will serve my God, and I will serve the people of God.

For once, God allowed our paths to cross and He surely will bless our broken roads.